Signposted to Families Out Loud

My son was still at school when the level of his problem with drug addiction slowly became apparent.  It is very hard to describe how dreadful it feels as a parent to uncover the layers of secrets that your child is hiding from you, how you lose faith in everything you thought you knew and thought would happen. I can only say it felt as though everything I thought I knew was ripped away, and all that I believed about my family and our future was in doubt.

I found support for my son through online drug agencies like Talk to Frank and via Wiltshire Council, and while he was offered support, I was falling apart. The pressure on our family, his sibling and my partner, who is not his father, was enormous. I sought support from my doctor and ended up on anti-anxiety medication. A worker with the service Motiv8 at Wiltshire Council suggested I seek support myself and referred me to Families Out Loud.

I was able to access one to one counselling support and finally felt as though I could breath again. It’s impossible to talk honestly to family, who are suffering themselves. I feared talking to friends, scared of consequences and judgment.  I have received, and still receive, one to one support and have also attended support group sessions during my journey. The knowledge and compassion I have accessed has made it possible to continue and for me to cope.  It helped to hear that I was not alone in my situation, that others walked the same path and although there were no answers, no easy fixes, there was a sharing of ways to stay strong.

It has been a long hard journey, one that is no way over.  I have come to accept that it never will be. My son has lived through overdoses, multiple arrests and has been sectioned under the mental health act and been in a secure mental hospital for under 18s.  He has been street homeless for a period since he turned 18 and we could not cope with him at home, he has also lived with us since that and held down jobs.  He is still alive and has made progress in his understanding of himself and his addiction.  As I am writing this he has left home again and I do not know where he is, I wait for the next phone call or knock on the door. My son knows where we are and that we love him, and I know he loves me, despite everything.

However, I am still here, my home, my family and my relationship with my husband is still strong.  I am not on medication and am working, functioning, living.  I have learnt to talk about our family situation and not fear judgement or feel shame. I truly believe that it is the support I have received, and continue to receive from FOL, that held me together and enabled me to see that life goes on, and although it is not what I would have wished for my son or myself, it is what it is.

I sincerely hope that Families Out Loud will always be able to offer support for others in my situation as the years go on.

Mum, Chippenham