I'm Hannah and I'm an Alcoholic Addict

Trigger warning: abuse, addiction, alcoholism

I started drinking at 14 years old to help me deal with the abuse I was subjected to. My abuser would buy me alcohol and also supplied me with cannabis. I drank to cope with my emotions and to cope with the abuse. The buying of drugs and alcohol I now understand to be part of the grooming I was exposed to.

Age 16, my abuser was out of my life, but the drugs and alcohol weren’t. I realised I was able to get my own alcohol and used that to my advantage and I started buying my own drugs. I would drink before going to college and smoke weed as much as I could. By the time I was age 17, my mum got in contact with a local drugs and alcohol support team to come and help me with my substances abuse issues. This worked for a short time, for the alcohol, but the drugs stayed. I shortly began to continue to drink and use drugs in private. Then when I turned 18, it was legal to drink, right? I was out every weekend drinking and partying and still drinking in private through the week. I knew I had a problem.

I moved out of my family home when I was 18. I moved into a flat I got with my then boyfriend. I continued to drink and use drugs and it got worse now I didn’t live with my mum. I was trying more drugs, different drugs. I found myself in another abusive situation, which increased my drugs and alcohol use again. I would drink into oblivion, into blackout, most days and most nights. I lost a lot of weight; I wasn’t eating well. Drugs and alcohol were all i needed. I moved out of this flat eventually and lived in another flat. My alcohol use and drug use were at an all-time high. I was spending on average £600 a month on cannabis and approximately £300 on alcohol.

I was arrested for the first time in 2019 for drink driving. I was nearly 3 times over the limit. I lost my license for 20 months. I lost my job due to not having a driving license. I lost my income and could no longer afford my flat. So, I moved in with my grandad. He had little knowledge of my drug and alcohol use. But it didn’t take long for him to notice. I was drinking every night. Waking up still drunk. Drinking in the morning to beat the rattles and tremors.

In March 2021, I got my driving license back. August 2021, I lost it again for drink driving. This time I was 4 times over the limit. I received another ban, 50 months. Still living with my grandad, my alcohol use hit its peak. Some days I would drink 2 bottles of win, some days a litre bottle of vodka and some days up to 8 bottles of wine. I would go missing for days and my family reported me as a missing person. I have fallen in the canal 3 times while in a paralytic state. One of those times was in the middle of the night and I had gone undereath a boat and police were called to come and get me out. I was being picked up by the police or by the ambulance multiple times a month for being in drunken states of unwellness. I slept outside. I slept in places I didn’t know due to getting myself lost while in blackout. I was under my local drugs and alcohol service, but I wasn’t ready to stop. I would go to the drugs and alcohol service meetings drunk, and I would drink even more on the way home. I tried attending AA meetings, but again, I drank before going and drank on the way home. I’d beg, lie and steal. I wasn’t ready to stop.

September 2023, I was in intensive care for an overdose. I had had enough of the voices in my head, the chaos of my life, the heartbreaks I caused, the messes I made. That was when I knew enough was enough. I couldn’t do this anymore. However, it still took me another 2 months to get the help I needed, when I was 100% ready. December 6, 2023, I went to rehab.

I completed 28 days in rehab, 7 of which were a detox while still completing the work set by the treatment centre. I fully surrendered myself. I admitted my life was unmanageable and I was powerless to my illness of addiction. I went through intensive therapy; I admitted all I had done wrong. I came home from the treatment centre Wednesday, January 3, 2024. The day I got home, I went to the my local CA meeting. The following day I joined the aftercare program set out by the rehab I went to, and the Friday I went to a local AA meeting. And the Saturday I went to another AA meeting and got a sponsor. I attended 8 meetings a week, including a therapy session and 2 meetings with my sponsor one to one. I still do several meetings a week: AA, CA, NA and meetings with my sponsor. Rehab got me sober; the meetings and my dedication keep me sober. I follow the recovery program, I practice working the 12 steps, I got honest with myself and others. And willing to change, learn and develop into my true self. Life has become worth living again. I have found hope and strength. My relationships and all aspects of my life have positively changed and continue to grow. I have made new friendships in recovery. I do service at meetings. I have found myself again.

I’m Hannah and I’m an alcoholic/addict. And my recovery date is December 6, 2023.

Thank you

We sincerely thank you, Hannah, for sharing your story with us. We wish you all the best as you continue your journey with sobriety. If you’re reading this and would like to share your story too, get in touch with our marketing coordinator Anyo – anyo.green@familiesoutloud.org. If you would like support with someone else’s drug or alcohol use, get help.