What Families Actually Need When Supporting Someone With Addiction

Families Out Loud
Jan 25
2 min read

When someone you love is struggling with addiction, advice often comes thick and fast.

“Set boundaries.”“Don’t enable.”“Be supportive, but firm.”“Look after yourself.”

While well-intentioned, this advice is often vague, contradictory, and disconnected from real family life. At Families Out Loud, we hear a different question from families:“What actually helps?”

Families don’t need more judgement

Many families arrive at support spaces already carrying shame. They worry they’ve done too much — or not enough. They replay past decisions, searching for mistakes. They feel judged by professionals, friends, or even themselves.

What families need first is not instruction, but understanding. Addiction is complex. Family dynamics are complex. There is rarely a single correct response. Support must start from compassion, not correction.

What families really need

From our work, several needs consistently emerge.

1. Language Families need words for what they are experiencing. Language reduces isolation and helps people understand that their reactions are normal responses to prolonged stress.

2. Boundaries that make sense Boundaries are often misunderstood as punishments or ultimatums. In reality, boundaries are about protecting well being and sustainability — not controlling someone else’s behaviour.

3. Permission to prioritise themselves Many families feel selfish for wanting rest, joy, or space. Support should actively counter this belief, not reinforce it.

4. Non-judgemental spaces Families need places where they can speak honestly, without being told what they “should” do.

5. Community Knowing others share similar experiences can be profoundly grounding. Community reduces shame and reminds families they are not alone.

Why one-size-fits-all advice fails

No two family situations are the same. Addiction intersects with trauma, culture, mental health, finances, and care-giving responsibilities. What works for one family may be harmful for another. That's why Families Out Loud focuses on helping families reconnect with their own judgment and values, rather than prescribing rigid rules.

A different kind of support

Supporting someone with addiction does not mean abandoning yourself. It does not require endless sacrifice. And it does not demand perfection. Families deserve support that recognises their humanity, complexity, and limits.

That is the foundation of our work, and the reason we create spaces where families can pause, reflect, and feel supported without pressure to “do it right.”